Monday, June 23, 2008

Episode 5: The Office

This comic premiered before The Office hit us here so just get any notion of plagiarism out of your horrible conniving head. The second and last comic inadvertently drawn on ruinous lined paper and the first to feature a different cover page this was a somewhat lengthy and dense volume. It had a (poorly) hidden message announcing a second issue of another comic of mine. This message can and should be ignored. I'm also just posting links because I still can't format the son-of-a-bitchin' things right.

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Friday, June 20, 2008

Episode 4: Attacked By Ninjas

Here's the forth episode of Halibert. I had started drawing Halibert on the go at this point and was using a college ruled notebook. This was a huge mistake for a few reasons. The most obvious reason was the black lines across the pages when xeroxed. The second problem was holes at the side of the notebook which I managed to cover up completely with masking tape. In a color scan, however, the tape is hilariously obvious. So please, forgive the episode its flaws and accept it like the bastard child it really is.

If anyone can tell me how to put these pictures on here the way I have been but sized to fit the post width I would be eternally grateful to them, and probably perform sexual favors for them. Just saying.
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Thursday, June 19, 2008

Episode 3: Sandwhich Of Fate Conclusion

Through a strange anomaly of google reader one may view a post which I authored and then deleted. It is not present on this blog but is present in the google reader feed for this blog. That post was Halibert: Stick Figure Of The Thinking Man Episode 2. If you haven't seen it:
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Now for the thrilling conclusion to Halibert's sandwhich themed odyssey:
EDIT: I apologize in advance for sloppy formatting.
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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Big Trouble In Little Blogtown

I've been trying to obtain a kazoo for a while now. Not really hard or anything, just keeping an eye out. I was at a music store and finally found one yesterday. It works really well and I'm currently annoying anyone within a block.

I'm having some technical difficulties and am currently hard at work on a novel. For these reasons I may have an extremely spotty update schedule. Since I know there are literally dozens of people who have read this blog I am offering up an alternative for trying to find some humor. You can watch full episodes of The Daily Show. So have fun with that and I'll try to get my ducks in a row and start producing mildly amusing material as soon as possible!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Download Day Is Go!

Today is Download Day. Firefox is trying to set a Guinness World Record for most software downloads in one day. The software? The new Firefox 3! If you love Firefox, Guinness, records or downloading stuff go get it buddy!

Friday, June 13, 2008

Metal Gear Soiled

I google'd "Metal Gear Soiled" to make sure I wasn't being too trite and repetitious. Turns out people just accidentally type solid wrong, a lot. I could see soild or sloid, which are just a matter of sloppy typing, like teh. Soiled requires you to switch the i to the wrong side of the l and throw an extra letter in there.

A couple of days ago I went over to a friend's house for a big Smash Brothers Brawl fest. I got back late last night. In the intervening period I played an obscene amount of the game. We got all the unlockable characters and stages and a large portion of other unlockable content besides. One character is of particular interest to me. Last year we found out, whilst impatiently awaiting the next Smash Bros. installment, that it would, much to our consternation, include Solid Snake from the Metal Gear series. I personally dislike Metal Gear and thought that it was a woefully irrational decision to include him. I have been persuaded to believe differently since then.

I'll start by saying that I think Solid Snake is a proper Bad Ass (capitalization denotes official status as opposed to an amateur bad ass). He always seemed like a steady spec ops type character. A killer, resourceful, merciless, a tool of nations. It's not very original but it's cool. Konami has made a ton of cash off this stale characterization. I didn't feel that he belonged in a game where goofy characters like Donkey Kong and Pikachu ran around fighting. Luckily they've proved me wrong. While retaining an air of badassery Snake comes off as sort of comical in Brawl. I suppose it's mainly the inclusion of his cardboard box.

I was really hoping that they'd at least let him break Yoshi's neck, alas it was not meant to be. He does, however, kick some serious ass when he's not blowing up shit with rockets, grenades, mines, RPG-7s, or mortars. This guy is packing some real ordnance. I have come to accept him as a Smash Bros. character, one that I really wish I could manage. It turns out he's too hard for a simpleton like me to control. It seems like a great deal of people can't use him to good effect either. You see, when connected to the Nintendo Wi-fi you can choose to spectate instead of playing. You get connected to a random game to watch. Before it begins you are allowed to wager the coins you have collected within the game. You place a bet of any amount 100 coins or less on whichever player, or team if it's a team battle, you think will win. If you're right you win coins and occasionally a "Bonus Chance' which can be in-game items like stickers or trophies or just double or triple winnings. It's actually more fun than online play if you ask me. The Wi-fi games are heinously laggy and just less fun than playing with a bunch of friends. This brings me back to Snake, don't bet on him. Most people will let you down while playing with Snake. Although one time I bet 100 coins on him and won back 380, that was sweet, otherwise he just lost my money.

My only foray into Metal Gear Solid was a coworker loaning me Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater. Looks cool right? I struggled through a few hours of frustrating and confusing controls, cheesy anime-esque cut scenes and rigid, spastic combat before I gave up. I couldn't see the point. My natural inclination is not to sneak past a guy. My natural inclination is to run out there and fuck his shit up. Mario never tip-toes past a goomba! Did you ever try to elude a koopa? I guess the real progenitor of the stealth genre was Pac-Man. You had to sneak through the levels and avoid the guards at all cost. Then when you powered up and the time was right you would strike. I never really liked Pac-Man, I was too young. My first games were all NES titles. By then it wasn't "DO NOT TOUCH THE ENEMIES", it had become "STOMP OR SHOOT THE ENEMIES". Hideo Kojima must love Pac-Man. At one point in Snake Eater my character (whom I believed was Solid Snake) fell off a bridge into a raging river. He washed up on shore and the medical expert with whom he had radio contact talked him through the process of patching himself up. He had to apply some bandages and set some bones. It seemed cool, it's like when Bruce Willis had to pull all the glass out of his feet in Die Hard. It takes a pretty bad dude to pop his shattered bones back into place and then wrap 'em. The thing about it is that instead of a cool cutscene you have to actually perform these tasks. You listen to the rambling instruction, select the medical maneuver or item, select the part of your body to apply it to, repeatedly. In the end you're just playing with a child's toy shaped like a wounded special agent. What's the point? I couldn't just watch him follow medical advice and patch himself up? It couldn't be one of the seventy-billion cutscenes in the Metal Gear series?

Snake is so cool in Smash Bros. it makes me want to play Metal gear. If they'd made Roy or Marth that cool I would own all the Fire Emblem games. I did some reading last night and found out that Metal Gear Solid 4 had very coincidentally been released. I also found out that in Snake Eater I wasn't Solid Snake and it was a prequel. As if the plot wasn't already confusing enough I got started on a prequel. This was not the best way to start me on the series. Since I know that now I've decided to give the series another chance. One chance Hideo, you hear me dammit?!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

This Is A Cop Out

I'm thinking about putting this on a shirt, I think it would be rad. Of course you're not going to agree unless you know who this is, but I'm not the kind to tell you.

In other news, there is no news! I've been writing rather prolifically lately and have been eschewing video games. I'm pleased with the results but I think I'm going through withdrawal or something. I've got headaches, my hands shake and sometimes I think I see Mario out of the corner of my eyes. It's okay though, I just drink enough vodka and it all works out!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

I decided I needed to summarize my feelings for the new (okay, not that new) Tim Burton remake. I really can't draw however, so my comics are pretty bare bones. I hope it gets the point across.

An act of Comiczdry! That's a portmaneau of comic and wizardry.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Halibert: Stick Figure Of The Thinking Man

I want to relate a brief story, it's going to begin with the words "in high school" and I'm begging you not to hate me for it.

In high school I drank coffee and ate microwave burritos for lunch every day. I made the money to do so not by getting a job, that's not my shtick. I wrote and sold comics. I had a series called Halibert: Stick Figure Of The Thinking Man. It opened to mixed reviews. It payed the bills though, so I kept making them. It's not really all that good, the humor is mainly visual and even then it's only really funny if you dig stick figures. I sort of employ every cliche I can because I find it amusing. You're free to interpret it however you want.

I realized that I still wanted to write the comics and the old ones were just sitting around gathering dust. Well, here they are in all their shitty, poorly planned out, coffee stained glory! This is the inauspicious first episode. I'll post the rest forthwith.

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I'm trying to finish a "digitally remastered" first episode. You'll see it soon.

Friday, June 6, 2008

NT2MMAL!

I want to call your attention to something I discovered last night, "ROLL TAPE!"


Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Ya Ha Deedle Deedle, Bubba Bubba Deedle Deedle Dum

If I were rich I would dress like Mark Twain, smoke cigars, drink cognac, and communicate exclusively through telegram. I dare you to impeach my brilliant understanding of the bourgeoisie.

But I'm not rich, I dress like a somewhat more refined and classy video game nerd, don't smoke at all, drink whatever comes my way and use telephone and email. I can dream though.

Today I went on a small road trip. Just sixty-some miles to Sacramento, California state capital. Three friends and I were making a pilgrimage to Guitar Center so one friend could investigate their wares. He got a check from his Grandma because his step-grandfather-whom-he-never-met died. He's gonna blow it on either a new PA or an acoustic drum set (he's got electric). While I was there I saw a hilarious notice by the drum machines and a giant stuffed Animal on the ceiling.

The trip's main source of entertainment was a small sign we were lucky enough to possess. Reactions varied amongst viewers but generally involved a honk. People of all creeds, colors, ages and genders honked in response. One vehicle we passed honked vigorously, then as they passed us several moments later we realized they had a message for us. It was obvious they knew we were just four men.

You make new friends everywhere.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Psychotropic Wonder Game

My sister told me once that music is the only dependable high. I think I finally understand. I've been playing a "game" called Audiosurf. I have game in quotes because it's less a game and more a powerful hallucinogen. It basically combines all your favorite songs with LSD, and I mean that in the best way possible. Here, let me show you.

You can open any sound file on your computer and the game will turn it into a physical course. It involves a lot of flying colors and trippy effects for no reason other than to induce seizures. In fact there's the single largest seizure warning on any game I've ever seen every time you start it up. As soon as you try it you'll be hooked. I like to play techno songs and wear these glasses. It's not just for the aesthetic, I think dimming the colors helps me focus. Now all I need is some coke and I'll be all set.