Here is the real reason my visit to the city sucked as bad as it did: The Bay To Breakers. This "race", it can be said, is a time for people to express themselves. A time to interact and connect with their fellow man. A time without prejudice or social stigma. In reality it is a chance to act as bat shit insane as you want, wear anything or nothing, break seemingly all city ordnances without consequence and get as drunk as possible in the streets. Alright, that's fine, I'm not going to judge, and neither should you. I just want you to watch that video and then imagine, to the best of your ability, driving in that. Not. Possible. We didn't mean to arrive in the city on that fateful day. We had no clue what had gotten into the water in San Francisco until we asked a pedestrian what the hell was going on.
I saw all the landmarks for which the city is famous (according to wikipedia): The Golden Gate Bridge, Cable Cars, Coit Tower, China town and Alcatraz, albeit from across the bay. It costs twelve bucks just to park for the Alcatraz tours. How much are the tours themselves? I shudder to think. The ubiquitous cable cars are something you will see frequently. They are packed with people and look pretty miserable. Even if they move through traffic with the impunity of Egyptian pharaohs. I saw China Town by accident. Road maps are next to useless when the Bay To Breakers have seemingly random roads blocked off. It's kind of like Super Mario Brothers, at every possible opportunity a bunch of drunks dressed like (well actually, some of them were dressed like mario) pirates and vikings tells you, "Your turn is in another neighborhood, you lost-ass tourist!"
Coit Tower was, much to my chagrin, just a tower. Although I thought it bore a striking resemblance to The Tower Of Hera from A Link To The Past which made it a little cooler. Instead of those caterpillar enemies there were just a ton of old asian men and women doing Tai Chi and/or walking their dogs. I saw the Golden gate from below where I was visiting an awesome locale, Fort Point. I really enjoyed Fort Point but it wasn't very big and I only spent a half-hour or so inside. I also drove through The Presidio, saw Fort Mason, Fort Funston, which I can only imagine looks like this, come to think of it, I saw more Forts than anything else. San Francisco is lousy with Forts.
I saw The Castro, the famously gay neighborhood. It was as gay, if not gayer than everyone thinks. I thought it was great that homosexual people had this small corner of the world where they were accepted without question. They were comfortable, open. It seemed like nirvana if you were a gay man. There was a huge rainbow flag flying above the district and a gym called "Take It Off, Get Ripped". All in all San Francisco seems to specialize in being accepting and accommodating to any and all minorities. This is, in my opinion, the only good thing about the city. So, there you go San Fran, I gave you props on something.
I don't think I'll ever go back to The Castro, as a heterosexual male I have zero need for giant sausage fest like that, I saw like four women. They were in pairs.
If I were rich or lived in the city (i.e. was rich) I might love the place. As it is I just think of it as an expensive, maze-like mass of pretentious nonsense, and I'm a liberal! I think it goes to show that San Francisco is so incredibly left that it takes a special kind to appreciate it. I guess after all we've been through San Francisco, we'll just have to agree to disagree and go our separate ways.
Here's to you San Fran, keep up the freaky, just, don't bother me anymore.
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